He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
