I'm really into asian looking animals
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
