I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
