You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
