the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
