so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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