she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
