And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
