At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
