If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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