Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
