"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
