She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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