Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
