DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
one might say we're banned from that church
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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