Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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