Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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