I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
