bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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