just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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