bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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