there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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