is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize