He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
