question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
