I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my poor anus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize