she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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