Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
