You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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