I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
