cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
