you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
