I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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