Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
