I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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