This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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