dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize