My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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