I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
