life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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