Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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