Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
