Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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