Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
