Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
