how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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