dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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