I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
