I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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