Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
