I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
