I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
