While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
