STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
