This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize