Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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