I think my vagina is haunted
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
