i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
