I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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