I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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